There once was a silly young maid
Who only ate grape marmalade.
At one hundred and ten
She said with a grin,
“How nice preserved I have stayed!”
A certain old maid of Cohoes,
In despair, taught her bird to propose;
But the parrot, dejected
At being accepted,
Spoke some words too profane to disclose.
I sat next to the Duchess at tea;
It was just as I feared it would be:
Her rumblings abdominal
Were truly phenomonal,
And everyone thought it was me!
Woodrow Wilson
There was a young fellow named Fonda
Who was squeezed by a large anaconda.
Now he’s only a smear
With part of him here
And the rest of him somewhere out yonda.
Ogden Nash
There was a young man of Rangoon
Who farted and filled a balloon.
The balloon went so high
That it stuck in the sky,
And stank out the Man in the Moon.
There was a Young Man of Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born;
And he wouldn’t have been
Had his father seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.
An old maid in the land of Aloha
Got wrapped in the coils of a Boa.
And as the snake squeezed
The old maid, not displeased,
Cried, “Darling! I love it! Samoa!”
There was a young girl from Sofia
Who succumbed to her lover’s desire.
She said, “It’s a sin,
But now that it’s in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher!”