That’s right, it is everyone’s favorite, Tax Day Limericks!! Let’s lighten the mood a little shall we?
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The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.
– Morris Bishop
There was a young man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born,
Nor would he have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.
– Algernon Charles Swinburn(?) (1837-1909)
There was a young lady of Louth,
Who returned from a trip in the South;
Her father said: ‘Nelly,
There’s more in your belly
Than ever went in at your mouth’
– Norman Douglas (1868-1952)
For travellers going sidereal,
The danger, they say, is bacterial.
I don’t know the pattern
On Mars, or on Saturn
But on Venus it must be venereal.
– Robert Frost
A man from the Washington Post,
Once had it off with a ghost;
At the height of orgasm,
The pale ectoplasm
Shrieked: ‘Coming! I’m coming . . . almost!’
– Anthony Burgess
There was a young maid of Peru,
Who swore she never would screw,
Except under stress
Of forceful duress,
Like: ‘I’m ready. How about you?’
– Isaac Asimov
A taxi-cab whore out at Iver
Would do the round trip for a fiver
– Quite reasonable too,
For a sightsee, a screw,
And a ten-shilling tip for the driver.
– Victor Gray
There was a young lady of fashion,
Who had oodles and oodles of passion;
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed:
‘Here’s one thing the bastards can’t ration.’
– Anon.
There was a young girl, very sweet,
Who thought sailors’ meat quite a treat.
When she sat on their lap
She unbuttoned their flap,
And always had plenty to eat.
1944-1952
And shared by Jim G (April 2014):
There once was a man from Siberia,
Whose morals were rather inferior!
He done to a nun,
What none should have done,
And now she’s a Mother Superior!
And shared by Michele (April 2012):
There was a young lady of Chichester
Who made all the saints in their niches stir.
One morning at matins
Her breasts in white satins
Made the Bishop of Chichester’s britches stir.